I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
