You smell like stripper and shame
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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