The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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