Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
