so explain again why im purple
no
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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