Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
