Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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