He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
