Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
