Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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