oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
