he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
