I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
