I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
