they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
