Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
They have beer where we have blood.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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