Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize