so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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