You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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