Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
