physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i will never coherently bang her
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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