You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
