Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
