she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Text me some of your sweat
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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