Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
