I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
