I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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