She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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