i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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