seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
