So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
