I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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