that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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