so explain again why im purple
no
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
