I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
