I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
