Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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