I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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