you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
