You just made me feel so damn special
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
