My pussy is not your playground.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
