When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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