I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
