i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
