Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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