FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
