He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
