we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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