He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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