Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
