Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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