he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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