No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
