It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
