He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize