Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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