SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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