dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
