I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
