Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
you made out with another girl for some wings
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
