I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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