Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
