Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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