my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just pee around me
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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