Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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