I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
