I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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