An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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