I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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