Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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