Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Im part way to drunk.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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