Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
