I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
