They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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