clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
