I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
