I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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