Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
