we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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