He uses pillows to masturbate.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
