my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
