Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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