Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
