Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
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I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
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Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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