Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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