He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
