just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
