Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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