Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
